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Havazhyol

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Some poetry made of Dothraki
« on: November 13, 2012, 01:39:00 am »
M'athchomaroon, lajaki avezhvenanaz !

I tried some poetry in this language, or at least, tried to build some sweet things to say to a lady :-*, and making them rhyme a bit.

Anha nemo vallayafak affin Khaleesi anni ma anhaan disse.
Zhey jalan atthirari anni, anha vigererak yera sekke.
Affin anha dirgat qisi yera, zhor anni nemo aggenda ki dirgi.
San sekke vekhikhe anha zalak ha yeraan, Khaleesi anni.

Ammemat ha chare yeri hoyalies azheananaz,
Movelat krazaajoon ei asshekhikh ha jini athjahakaroon ki shiloy yera
Yatholat jalanes ei ajjalani, majin me nira ki shekhikh yeri,
Oma yera m’ahnoon vosi ; ma yera, ei anni.

Anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar, Khaleesi azheananaz ki ei Khaleesies.


Here is what I tried to say...

I'm only pleased when my Khaleesi is with me
Moon of my life, I miss you so much
When I think of you, my heart is riped by those thoughts,
So much things I want for you, my Khaleesi

To play for your ears the most beautiful songs,
To create mountains every day from the pride of knowing you
To rise the moon every night, so it's filled with your light,
Without you I have none; with you, all is mine.

I respectfully bow before you, most beautiful Khaleesi of all Khaleesies


Anha viqaferak ha shekhikhaan yeri athvichomerar.

 ;)

Dothras chek!
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2012, 03:55:35 am »
M'ath

That is rather lovely for dothraki :) coming from a lady too
When I have time I may have to do one for a man to help you haha

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2012, 11:27:12 am »
M'athchomaroon, lajaki avezhvenanaz !

I tried some poetry in this language, or at least, tried to build some sweet things to say to a lady :-*, and making them rhyme a bit.

Anha nemo vallayafak affin Khaleesi anni ma anhaan disse.
Zhey jalan atthirari anni, anha vigererak yera sekke.
Affin anha dirgat qisi yera, zhor anni nemo aggenda ki dirgi.
San sekke vekhikhe anha zalak ha yeraan, Khaleesi anni.

Ammemat ha chare yeri hoyalies azheananaz,
Movelat krazaajoon ei asshekhikh ha jini athjahakaroon ki shiloy yera
Yatholat jalanes ei ajjalani, majin me nira ki shekhikh yeri,
Oma yera m’ahnoon vosi ; ma yera, ei anni.

Anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar, Khaleesi azheananaz ki ei Khaleesies.


Here is what I tried to say...

I'm only pleased when my Khaleesi is with me
Moon of my life, I miss you so much
When I think of you, my heart is riped by those thoughts,
So much things I want for you, my Khaleesi

To play for your ears the most beautiful songs,
To create mountains every day from the pride of knowing you
To rise the moon every night, so it's filled with your light,
Without you I have none; with you, all is mine.

I respectfully bow before you, most beautiful Khaleesi of all Khaleesies


Anha viqaferak ha shekhikhaan yeri athvichomerar.

 ;)

Dothras chek!

Short but sweet i am working on more (may be a few mistakes) :)

My sun and stars, my world
Shekh ma shieraki anni, ma rhaesheser
You are the only one for my eyes,
Yer disse num ha ma tih
I think of you all the time, day and night
Anha dirgat qisi yera leshitof, asshekh ma ajjalani
I want it all for you, my sun and stars
Anha zalak ha yera , Shekh ma shieraki anni
I would do anything to kiss your lips
Anha hash zhille vekhikh ha zoqwa yera heth
To be in your arms my king, your khaleesi
Ha she yera qora ma Khal, yera Khaleesi
My handsome man, I respectfully bow before you
Ma mezahe mahrazh, anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar





dothras chek

Havazhyol

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2012, 12:07:25 pm »

Short but sweet i am working on more (may be a few mistakes) :)    Nice one! Here are some corrections I would do

My sun and stars, my world
Shekh ma shieraki anni, ma rhaesheser                                               Shekh ma shieraki anni, rhaesheser anni
You are the only one for my eyes,
Yer disse num ha ma tih                                                                        Yer disse ha tih anni
I think of you all the time, day and night
Anha dirgat qisi yera leshitof, asshekh ma ajjalani                               Anha dirgak qisi yera ayyey, vi asshekhaan ma ajjalanaan
I want it all for you, my sun and stars
Anha zalak ha yera , Shekh ma shieraki anni                                        Anha zalak ei ha yera, Shekh ma shieraki anni
I would do anything to kiss your lips
Anha hash zhille vekhikh ha zoqwa yera heth                                      Anha laz tat zhille vekhikh ha zoqwat hethe yeri
To be in your arms my king, your khaleesi 
Ha she yera qora ma Khal, yera Khaleesi                                             She qoraes yeri, khal anni, Khaleesi yeri
My handsome man, I respectfully bow before you
Ma mezahe mahrazh, anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar            Mahrazh mezahe anni, anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar

dothras chek

Here are some tips that were brought to me by the leading team (david, ingse, qvaak, niqqo, and the tutorials of sunquan8094 on youtube) :

- You seem to use ma as  possessive particule. The right way to describe possession is through genitive case (end the noun or pronoun with an -i)

- Adverbs like disse, ayyey, avvos,... go in the end of the sentence

- You use num, I think, as an auxillary for to be. Dothraki does not have a translation for to be (tutorial 1 on the wiki) you just put the noun subject on nominative case and than the noun complement in accusative case. About adjectives that change the nouns (like zheana), they are turned to verbs to act as to be + adjective ( zheana -> zheanalat -> yer zheanae beautiful -> to be beautiful -> you are beautiful).

Once again, I'm not linguist, so I can't help much more.
All I can do is check your work as I check for mine : open the wiki on "Adverbs", "Adjectives" "Verbs conjugation", "Verb auxillaries", "Vocabulary", "Noun cases", the dothraki - english dictioonnary and the reverse one, and work with tutorials on youtube.

Hajas !
« Last Edit: November 14, 2012, 09:53:21 am by Havazhyol »
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Qvaak

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2012, 07:45:18 am »
Want me to trample over your poetry with my grammatical nit-pickery?

Gotta try to make some poetry myself. Hard, hard, hard.
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Havazhyol

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2012, 09:24:53 am »
Yes please. I'm here to learn, i'm a noob, and I have much more to learn, so go ahead.

And since I'm myself quite much nit-picky with the right use of french, I sincerly can't blame you.

Do not hesitate to correct my attempts, of any kind, in dothraki, wether it's poetry, signature, or sentences thrown in topics.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2012, 01:44:36 pm by Havazhyol »
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Qvaak

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2012, 01:27:04 pm »
Quote
Anha nemo vallayafak affin Khaleesi anni ma anhaan disse.
I'm only pleased when my Khaleesi is with me
Allayafat is a transitive verb, meaning x pleases y - and is also used to express the idea y likes x. So I can see your problem expressing "I'm pleased" with allayafat.
Anha nemo allayafak means "I'm pleased with myself" or "I like myself". I think that's off the mark. Anha nem allayafak seems pretty much spot on alternative: "I'm pleased". Allayafat is probably a causative verb, so alayafat or layafat probably means more straightforwardly "to be [generally] pleased" or "to be happy".

As a general sidenote, we're not clear on how freely you can drop the objects away (ie. how freely you can use transitive verbs as intransitive). Probably there usually is no problem, so while you usually say things like Anha ezzok yera, probably the more general statement Anha ezzok works unproblematically - the same as "I teach." works in English...

Ma assigns ablative, so ma anhoon.

Quote
Zhey jalan atthirari anni, anha vigererak yera sekke.
Moon of my life, I miss you so much
Vigererat also assigns ablative, so vigererak yeroon

Quote
Affin anha dirgat qisi yera, zhor anni nemo aggenda ki dirgi.
When I think of you, my heart is riped by those thoughts,
Qisi assigns nominative, so dirgak qisi yer (dirgat is just a typo, I presume)... ... but I would actually wager that dirgat works with topic verb class and you should drop the preposition altogether and go with dirgak yeri.
Zhor anni nemo aggenda would, again mean "My heart tears itself" - an evocative expression, but not the one you were aiming for. Zhor anni nem aggenda should work right ...and with that the re-intoruction of the agent by ki dirgi also works.

Quote
San sekke vekhikhe anha zalak ha yeraan, Khaleesi anni.
So much things I want for you, my Khaleesi
San works with words in genitive. It's "pile of x", literally, even though the expression means "many x". So san vekhikhi.
I'm not too certain about adverb placement, but I'm think sekke should not be there. Sounds like "pile of very things". Adverbs that modify a specific noun argument generally go before it, so Sekke san vekhikhi might work, I guess. For some reason I'm not convinced about that either.
Zalat is a tricky word because of its wide meaning. You can second-guess the syntax, but it's not bad as it is.
Is there a reason for dropping the zhey? I can almost intuit, how that might work, but zhey khaleesi anni is definitely the normal choice.

Quote
Ammemat ha chare yeri hoyalies azheananaz,
To play for your ears the most beautiful songs,
Here I think ha is needed, but it assigns allative (or ablative, but here allative, surely), so ha charaan yeri.
I see you guessed hoyali to be an animate noun. Could be. And the plural would not be visible in the accusative, so declination is right - as is the choise of beautiful-word. Azheananaz needs to agree with hoyalies, though, and as plural overrides the non-nominative agreement, azheananazi is the way to go.

Quote
Movelat krazaajoon ei asshekhikh ha jini athjahakaroon ki shiloy yera
To create mountains every day from the pride of knowing you
Seems very strange to put krazaaj into ablative. Mistake, perhaps? Asshekhikh instead of asshekh is certainly a mistake.
The whole "to create x out of y" structure is a bold attempt. Your guess is as good as any; ha could very well work.
Demonstratives get suffixes only when alone. Jin here is a part of the argument jin athjahakar ("this pride"), so it does not get the /-i/ suffix.
For "This pride of..." I recommend haji instead of ki. Haji is the general "because of" word. Ki might work, but feels rather iffy.
Shiloy yera does not work. It's different kind of "knowing" - and a bit bizarre word at that. Dothraki participles are practically adjectives, they work with sentences like "I saw a dancing bear" or "Flying cars will never come". Shilat yera looks like a good way to go. I think it does not even take case assigned by haji (or ki), as it's small clause, not a regular argument.



...gotta go. More another time.
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Havazhyol

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2012, 02:42:12 am »
Thanks!

I'm still in a little fog with the allative and ablative cases...
I have to work harder on the participle, it must be the  tenth time I make a mistake about it.

Again, many thank, I can hardly wait for the rest of the correction.

Edit : gaaah I just figured out azheanazi kicks a rhyme...   :o
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 07:28:33 am by Havazhyol »
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2012, 09:02:46 am »
And I think you forgot about the whole alienable/inalienable possession. So certainly zhor anhoon and charaan yeroon, my heart, your ears. Remember all body parts should be in the ablative rather than genitive.
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2012, 10:24:47 am »
Quote
I'm still in a little fog with the allative and ablative cases...
Ya. It's a good thing, if you can get the general vibe of them. Basically allative (-aan/-ea) is a suffix way of saying "towards" and ablative (-oon/-oa) is a suffix way of saying "from", but as all noun cases, they have pretty far ranging and blurred field of meaning. On assignment situations above, though, it's best just to learn (or check the vocab/dictionary/verb classes page/preposition page).

Quote
I have to work harder on the participle, it must be the  tenth time I make a mistake about it.
Well, you should rarely use them, as they are not much part of "modern" Dothraki. Dothraki does not, generally, make difference between "I'm dancing" and "I dance", and Dothraki participle certainly does not figure to this. Both would be said just Anha ezhirak. Sometimes, if the difference must be made, I think the auxiliaries ray and zin can be used.

Quote
Yatholat jalanes ei ajjalani, majin me nira ki shekhikh yeri,
To rise the moon every night, so it's filled with your light,
We don't know the animacy of jalan? ych. I really wish we knew more animacies. It's so frustrating to know the word, but not be able to use it with any certainity. Shekh is inanimate, though, so jalan is probably too. Generally it is safer to guess things to be inanimate.
Yatholat is a verb for "to rise" in sense of "moon rises". It won't work for "to make moon rise". For that you must make causative out of it: ayyatholat. Deriving new words is always a bit risky, they might be reserved for some special meaning or  just not conventionally used. Even so, causatives are quite safe, and for poems slighlty bold non-standard vocabulary should be fine anyway.
To say "to be filled with", "to be full of" you assign the object to ablative, so nira shekhikhoon ... and I would actually consider the light inalienable (smell is inalienable, and this seems similar case), so I would go for nira shekhikhoon yeroon - and as the light flows out of the person, ablative should work anyway, double win.

Quote
Oma yera m’ahnoon vosi ; ma yera, ei anni.
Without you I have none; with you, all is mine.
Oma assigns ablative, so oma yeroon. Ma also assigns ablative, so ma yeroon. Ei probably does not work as an independent noun/pronoun. We know eyak, but it seems we sadly don't know "everything".
The whole sentence structure seems a bit disastrous. I would read it something like "Not having you with me is no big deal; and you, all mine." It's probably just too ungrammatical, and even if it chances to work in theory, without copula and with ma having such a wide range of uses, the sentence turns really hard to decipher.
I think the best I can do is to try to untangle the basic untrucated structure: Kash anha oma yeroon, kash vosi m'anhoon; kash anha ma yeroon, kash ei davrakh anni. ... davrakh being a bit of a filler word there.
It's hard to tell, how much you can cut off and move around in regular speech, and how much more with poetic licence.

Quote
Anha avvemok hatif yera athvichomerar, Khaleesi azheananaz ki ei Khaleesies.
I respectfully bow before you, most beautiful Khaleesi of all Khaleesies
Avvemolat is again causative, but I have a wisp of a memory, that this might be better dealt with reflexive than backforming into vemolat. I think that word isn't in the use or means something else ... it's a bit curious. Ingsve might remember better. But yes, I propose Anha nemo avvemok (literally "I kneel myself").
In this situation hatif assigns genitive, so hatif yeri. As far as we know, accusative is never the right case after a preposition.
Respectfully is a manner adverb, and you have gone a half way to make it work, as it's rightly placed, sentence finally, and the adjective/verb is turned into a noun, just tie it to the syntax: Anha nemo avvemok hatif yeri k'athvichomerari.
Comparing is done with that all-handy ablative, so "khaleesi is the most beautiful of all khaleesis" would be khaleesi azheananaza ei khaleesisoa, and I'm almost sure it will work even when the adjective is not turned into verb, so khaleesi azheananaz ei khaleesisoa ... and I'd again throw the zhey at the beginning. Without it the phrase is more a fact statement (as well as simply more iffy), I think, less an act of addressing. It's kindasorta the question of whether you want to go "I bow before you, {o} khaleesi" or "I bow before you, {who are} the khaleesi"

Quote
And I think you forgot about the whole alienable/inalienable possession. So certainly zhor anhoon and charaan yeroon, my heart, your ears. Remember all body parts should be in the ablative rather than genitive.
I certainly did. Though in my defence, I noticed that writing this post, before you posted yours and before David posted his blog post. At least zhor would do well without possessive altogether.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2012, 10:30:27 am by Qvaak »
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2012, 11:25:50 am »
Quote
Without you I have none

If you want to say "no one" rather than none then the word for that is vosak. That's not in the vocab yet.
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2012, 02:34:50 pm »
Quote
Without you I have none

If you want to say "no one" rather than none then the word for that is vosak. That's not in the vocab yet.

Does that need to be added?
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Havazhyol

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2012, 11:38:55 pm »
If you want to say "no one" rather than none then the word for that is vosak. That's not in the vocab yet.

Well I actually wanted to say none, or nothing. I intend to reflects the famous quote "You miss someone and the world completly seems empty" here.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2012, 04:02:53 am by Havazhyol »
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Havazhyol

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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2012, 04:03:43 am »
Here is the corrected version of the poem (not sure I can call it this way...) after your posts.

Anha nem alayafak affin Khaleesi anni ma anhoon disse.
Zhey jalan atthirari anni, anha vigererak yeroon sekke.
Affin anha dirgak yeri, zhor annoon nem aggenda ki dirgi.
Sekke san vekhikhi anha zalak ha yeraan, zhey Khaleesi anni.

Ammemat ha charaan yeroon hoyalies azheananazi,
Movelat krazaaj ei asshekh ha jin athjahakar hashi shilat yera
Ayyatholat jalanes ei ajjalani, majin me nira shekhikhoon yeroon,
Kash anha ma yeroon, ei davrakh anni ;kash anha oma yeroon, kash vosi m’anhoon

Anha nemo avvemok hatif yeri k’athvichomerari, zhey Khaleesi azheananaz ei Khaleesisoa.


I hope it works better, I don't want to use the excuse of poetic license...
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Re: Some poetry made of Dothraki
« Reply #14 on: November 21, 2012, 01:02:20 pm »
OK. Second round, then!

Quote
Anha nem alayafak affin Khaleesi anni ma anhoon disse.
If you change allayafat to (a?)layafat, you must drop the nem particle. I recommend keeping it allayafat, 'cause that's the word we know, the other is speculative back-formation.
Careful with this causative/passive stuff. In English you can say "The hammer breaks if I hit the stone." and "The hammer breaks the stone when I hit it.", but in Dothraki you never get such freedom of interpretation. The subject and object have fixed roles to play, and turning verbs into causatives as well as passivizing them rotates the roles around.
The case in point should go more or less Anha layafak roughly: "I am happy" -> Me allayafak anna roughly: "she causes me to be happy" -> Anha nem allayafak roughly: "I am caused to be happy".

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Affin anha dirgak yeri, zhor annoon nem aggenda ki dirgi.
Anhoon, not annoon ... though as I said earlier, the whole word might be better dropped off. Dothraki generally don't make inalienable possessions explicit, if it's clear from the context, whose possession is in question, and "When I think about you, the heart rips apart by the thought" leaves little confusion about who'se heart is in question. It's not wrong to keep the possessor there, though, and accentuating the fact that it's your heart kind of makes sense.

Quote
Movelat krazaaj ei asshekh ha jin athjahakar hashi shilat yera
I did not mean that you should drop the ablative from athjahakar. I was discussing jin and picked the phrase out of the syntax, so I dropped the declination. Sorry, that was misleading. My bad. As far as I can tell, athjahakaroon was right the first time. ...hashi should be haji?

Quote
Ayyatholat jalanes ei ajjalani, majin me nira shekhikhoon yeroon,
As I said earlier, I think it unlikely jalan in an animate noun (because shekh apparently isn't). It might be, sure. You do notice, that the animacy affects the declination and if jalan is inanimate, the accusative is not jalanes, but instead just jalan? The same goes for hoyalies before, though I guess it's a bit more likely to be animate.

Quote
Kash anha ma yeroon, ei davrakh anni; kash anha oma yeroon, kash vosi m’anhoon
I see you went with my slightly ponderous structure analysis version. Ah well. Rotated the parts around... yep. Removed one of the kash words?
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