I put nem in the sentence, because to me, the sentence seemed a little passive.
Turning sentences to passive voice (where "passive" is a linquistical term, not just a descriptive word of general language) is quite a radical trick. It's roughly the difference between "I will kill" and "I will be killed". In all ways I know to use
nem, it always affects the sentence structure around it, and I don't think we know if it has any use with copulaless sentences, or for that matter intransitive verbs.
...sorry about sidetracking to grammar discussion. Happens to me a lot.
I think it might be better to go with
Ajjin laji! than
Laji ajjin! ... The latter is of course the standard Dothraki word order, but adverbs can be fronted for the sake of ephasis, and English version seems almost "Now: fight!"
Oh. And
qora should be inalienable, I believe.
Zhille vov zigere mra qora yeroon. Ajjin laji!