I've joined a dead forum. havent I?
Relatively, yes; in absolute sense, no never, just occasionally very quiet. Unfortunately it's too slow quiet for many of the newcomers. What are the chances that you ever read this!
insight as to wether this may be something the people of the dothraki sea may say, culturally speaking.
Yea. Idiomatic expressions can end up being pretty much what ever (even ungrammatic!) and these beardy ones certainly have no friction agaist Dothraki culture. However, since the hair-braids are the definite big manly prowess thing, I would find this kind of idioms about beards a bit odd near miss.
review it for me for grammatical accuracy
The accurecy is good. You certainly have used the grammar, not just the words.
"Ki shiranesi kimoa anni" when surprised.
Shirane is marked inanimate on our vocab (and since pretty much everything even a bit mass-wordy is inanimate, this should be right). The genitive would thus be
shirani, and plural never explicit in the noun itself.
"Anha asqoyi hatif (maybe "ki" instead of "hatif") shiranesi kimoa anni" when solemnly attesting to one thing or another.
The same thing about
shirane, of course.
Asqoyi is a noun. Dothraki is nowhere near as flexible as English in zero-deriving words from one word class to another. And if you managed to get a verb, you'd need to conjugate it. As it is now, it reads pretty much "I am an oath in front of my ancestors' beards."
Anha astak asqoy is how the show did it (asqoyi is in accusative, thus the missing i).