I have noticed that many people here seek advice for their Dothraki translations.
Ya. Seems to be working pretty well - at least this "you ask, qvaak qvaaks" approach.
I'd like to see more people questioning my assessments. I'll probably fight back, if I wasn't simply utterly & plainly wrong, but that's how we get discussion
I learn plenty simply dissecting these attempts, but as I'm not even close to being a liguists of any kind, my perspective has limits. I compare to Finnish and English, maybe read a bit of Wikipedia, but mostly I just ponder a lot.
This sentence attempt looks mostly solid to me.
I'm guessing you are aiming at "Black ravens of blood will fly on the sky and all men will die."
Nhizo and
mahrazh are both animate nouns. We mark animates "
na." and inanimates "
ni." (and unknown animacy simply "
n.") in both our pdf dictionary and our wiki's vocabulary page.
I might be mistaken about what you're trying to do with
qoyi. I think it works, though seems a bit iffy, sounds like "blood's black ravens" (would that even be that bad?). Be careful with English "of" structures, as they do many things, and don't always translate well to genitive. See comments on
http://www.dothraki.com/2012/11/possession/ for a bit more direction.
She asavva is almost certainly the way to go.
She is Dothraki's "neutral" preposition.
Mra is pretty much just for the "inside" sense of "in". "Fish in a barrel" or "dog in a house" is clear
mra, but I'm not even sure, if "swimming in a lake" type of situations would be dealt with mra, or would it still be
she.
Ma does not ring right to me. If nothing else, I'd probably at least throw the leading
ma in (I tend to try to cram paired conjunction everywhere). There are many alternatives for this, but one is simple and strong:
majin. That's a seeing a good deal of use in story telling (cf.
http://dedalvs.com/relay/previous/lcc4results/17.html) and such, and has perfectly fitting sense of "and thus", or "consequently".
So my proposal for corrections would be: Nhizosi kazga qoyi vovethi she asavva, majin ei mahrazhi adrivoe.