Lemme try. I love these kind of challenges.
Even though the basics are starting to be figured out, many particulars are still "maybe wrong" or "probably right". And of some things we still have almost no idea, how they work.
Anha nem hakek ma Justin, ma ray navi m'ezok lekhes Dothraki.
Following Daenerys' line
Ma me nem ahakee ma Rhaego!, I too have toyed with the idea of using that passive structure for "to be called". The translation isn't necessarily literal, though. Our vocabulary has
hakelat down as
to name. The expression might work anyway, and the vocabulary might not have the whole scope of the word pinned down, but if you want to use an expression we're certain about, go with
Hake anni [insert name].
You should use ablative with preposition
ma, and if the name is foreign and does not decline, you should use the preposition
haji. The line from the show contradicts with this, but Daenerys is not a native speaker and that would be very natural place for her to skip the correct inflection (we know Peterson has intentionally slipped at least a couple of small errors in her lines). Or this might be a fixed expression that breaks the case assignment rule.
We don't have a word
navilat,
to begin, but now that you mention it, I find it an extremely likely word. You have back-formed it from
naviki, I'm sure.
Dothraki should be quite strictly non-pro-drop. We've seen that the pronoun can still at least sometimes be dropped in subsequent clauses, if the agent stays the same (more or less the same way as in english, I guess). I'm not at all sure, what the boundaries are. Can you change the tense and still drop the pronoun? Should your sentence be
...ma anha ray navi...? Perhaps.
That
...m'ezok... construction is either plain wrong or at least somewhat iffy. Were you aiming for "...have begun and am learning the Dothraki language.", trying to tie both verbs to the same object? That might even work (as shortening of "...have begun to learn and am learning the Dothraki language.").
"...have begun with learning the dothraki language." would rather be something like
...ray navi m'ezolatoon lekhes Dothraki, but I think even that would be wrong.
The third interpretation would be "...have begun that (I) learn the dothraki language". But that makes the least sense to me.
...Oh. I get it. "...have begun as a learner the Dothraki language." ...uh. No. Clearly I'm confused.
The safest bet I can come up with:
Hake anni Justin. Anha ray navi athezozar qisi lekh Dothraki.Anha yol mra Texas, vosma anha ajjin thirak mra Oklahoma ma anha ezok mra OSU.
We haven't learned much about locatives. Based on sentences like
Dalen rhaggati evetha ma ale vekhi she Vaes Seris, and
Affin shekh yola she jimma, I'd say all the prepositions should be
she, not
mra. I think
mra has a rather strong sense of
withing,
inside, while
she is much more general
on, in, at.
Again, even though both
she and
mra would assign a nominative here, I think it would be possible to mark the words as fixed foreign expressions and use
haji.
Adverbs are usually sentence final.
Ajjin is badly placed.
Curiously, considering how many you
have skipped elsewhere, here I think the repeat of
anha is unnecessary, though of course not an error.
So how about:
Anha yol she Texas, vosma thirak she Oklahoma ajjin. Ma anha ezok she OSU.Anha garvok nesataan alikh qisi lekh Dothraki, ma garvok shilolataan san astoki m'ezoki jin lekhi vezhven.
"To hunger for something" is expressed with ablative, not allative, but otherwise I think the syntactically nominalized verb infinites are used correctly here.
Astok for
speaker is another nice speculative, yet rather certain word.
Since
lekh is in genitive (ie. in other declination than nominative),
vezhven should be inflected too:
vezhvena.
I guess this might well be correct as:
Anha garvok nesatoon alikh qisi lekh Dothraki, ma garvok shilolatoon san astoki m'ezoki jin lekhi vezhvena.Uh. Maybe we need ingsve's opinion, too.