Author Topic: Jahakmen  (Read 1184 times)

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Khal_Qana

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Jahakmen
« on: May 14, 2016, 05:08:07 pm »
Over the summer I plan on undertaking the large project of writing the first opera composed and written completely in Dothraki. So far I have the very loose outline of the plot and I would like some feedback on it:

Part one
  • It takes place deep within the Havazh Dothraki, in one of the most powerful Khalasars of the land
  • A Dothraki man (name not yet decided) has been disgraced by his peers because he was defeated in battle and had his braid cut off
  • He is taunted by his peers, especially so by his long time rival (a favorite ko of the khal), for his loss and has lost all of his old friends due to the immensity of his defeat
  • At the same time, the khalakki of the khalasar is having a dispute with her father because he wishes to marry her to one of his kos
  • One night, beside a river bank that the horde set up camp beside, both the man and the princess meet each other for the first time.
  • They get to talking after the princess convinces him to not commit suicide and they soon fall in love (shierakkem zhilaki)
  • The man wants to run off with the princess, but the princess does not want to leave her father. And marrying a man who has no braid would be a disgrace to her name and horde
  • the man spend the opera trying to convince her to leave with him, but time after time she refuses out of duty to her father
  • Eventually, the khal finds out about this man's attempts to court his daughter, and he becomes furious/mocking of the man
  • Out of spite, the khal gives his daughter to his ko and rival to the man
  • After a long and yearning soliloquy, the man sets out to kill his rival in order to gain back his honor and rights to marry the princess
  • tragically, after fighting a long battle with the rival, the man is killed
  • It ends with the princess morning the mistakes she made by following the will of others

Part Two
  • Fifteen years have passed, and the old Khal has long since been dead. The khalakki became khaleesi, and the Ko became Khal. The khaleesi had birthed a child, and while her husband has been away on hunting trips and raids, she has secretly told her child that he is the son of the man (though the child is not), and that he needs to avenge his true father's death.
  • The son has grown up learning that his father is a scoundrel, but has tried to keep himself from killing his father. The Khal deeply loves his son and is proud of his accomplishment. And this love has spilled over to his wife as well, making him deeply devoted to his family while they do not truly feel the same of him.
  • The boy becomes a great warrior, and is revered by the khalasar for his skill
  • One day, the Khal and the khalakka go on a raid, and for some not yet fleshed out reason, a group of riders are defeated by the enemy but are not killed. The khal cuts off all of their braids as punishment, and in a fit of emotion the son strikes against his father
  • The father and son fight each other, and soon after the battle the son frees the fallen warriors and they band of men ride to the outskirts of the Havazh Dothraki
  • The Khal becomes distraught and depressed by the sight of his son's hatred toward him, and mourns the betrayal of his love
  • The Son and his followers stop in the mountains along a creek, and the son cuts off his braid. All the men together shave their heads completely, and name themselves Norethmen Dothraki
  • They swear alliegance to the Son, and promise to kill the Khal at any cost

I plan to go on about how the son starts his own khalasar of bald men and lead an attack on his father. They end up losing and the Khal is forced to execute his beloved son. The queen commits suicide in the same river where she met the man, and the Khal is left to live with the crushing loss of his son and wife, even though he believed he did nothing wrong.

This is all I have for now and my computer battery is almost dead. Please give thoughts and constructive criticism of the outline so far. Thanks!

P.S.
It's supposed to be a tragedy, so no bellyaching about it being too sad  ;)
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DannyJeffrey

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Re: Jahakmen
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2016, 04:17:34 pm »
Unfortunately my computer battery is also almost out, but goodness me that sound amazing!
It certainly is a novel idea, an opera translated in Valyrian?! I'm impressed at your determination, it'll certainly be a challenge! How long are you planning this on being?

Khal_Qana

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Re: Jahakmen
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2016, 07:45:35 am »
Hmm, I suppose an opera in Valyrian would be good as well. There are plenty of interesting Targaryens that deserve a story of their own and someone could definitely make an incredible opera written in Valyrian. It is a language influenced by the sounds of french, and romance languages in general and would sound rather pretty.

And as for time, I'd hope for it to be less than Wagner's 15 hour monstrosity but it would be nice to have it longer than just a few hours. Somewhere from the 5 to seven hour mark would be good. This will probably take a few years unless I decide to follow through and make it a real performance piece. In my state's capital, Minneapolis, the Klingon production of Hamlet and the Klingon opera 'U' are performed from time to time, so I know there's an audience for a conlang based opera. This weekend I'll be making a full plot outline and get started on drawing a storyboard. Over the summer I'll start composing the songs and once that is all finished I can quickly make the script. I'm certainly excited to work on this now  :D

« Last Edit: May 17, 2016, 08:01:02 am by Choyosor »
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Hrakkar

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Re: Jahakmen
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2016, 12:22:23 pm »
Not a completely crazy idea. There is an opera in Klingon, that has been regularly performed, at least in Europe.
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Khal_Qana

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Re: Jahakmen
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2016, 03:14:28 pm »
I have a few motives written down for certain characters. Currently, I have a motive for the love between Jhine (the princess) and Qero (the braidless man):

time signature: 3/4
key: D major pentatonic with variant accidentals

first beat d50 played in bass, held for full measure
second beat e64 and f#66 harmonic, d62 quick grace note before e64; held for the rest of the measure


I have a sequence to represent the khalasar:

time signature: 6/8
key: D major

quadruplet arpeggio pattern d50, d62, b71, c72; twice each measure for two measures
resolved to quadruplet arpeggio pattern d50, d62, b71, d73; twice each measure for four measures


and I have a sequence that representes the spirit of joy that comes from strength:

time signature: 6/8
key: D major

three eight notes on each down beat. Two down beats a measure. four down beats.
1) d50 to a57 d62 harmonic back down to d50
2) e52 to a57 d62 harmonic back down to e52
3) g55 to a57 d62 harmonic back down to g55
4) f#54 to a57 d62 harmonic back down to f#54
*let the a57 d62 harmonic ring through

That's what I got so far. I'm composing on my guitar right now so if you have one lying around feel free to play along. I've tuned the 6th string to a d50 and my 3rd string to a f#66

« Last Edit: May 23, 2016, 03:16:07 pm by Choyosor »
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