Learn Dothraki and Valyrian
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: Atoro on May 06, 2016, 10:21:54 pm
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Hey warriors -
This is my first post - I've been working on a translation of Ed Sheeran's "I see fire". It's helpful to me to work through songs and my intent is to record this to help with my pronunciation. I think my syntax and tenses are right for the most part but would really appreciate if any of you could look through to see if/where I'm amiss. I tried to largely hold to the original lyrics but changed where I thought it necessary for rhyme-scheme and/or Dothraki-perspective. The format below is: original lyrics / Dothraki / intended meaning.
Much appreciate any assistance!
Best,
Atoro
Oh, misty eye of the mountain below / Tihi Maisi krazaajisoon / [eyes of the Mother of Mountains]
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls / vitihiras leisi gaezoon / [watch out for the brother’s souls]
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke / hash vorsa ma fih nirrae asavva / [if fire and smoke fill the sky]
Keep watching over Durin's sons / zin, loshas rizhi Vezhofoon / [still, guard the Great Stallions’s sons]
If this is to end in fire / hash hazi nakho she vorsa / [If this ends in fire]
Then we should all burn together / kisha jif avirsalaki / [we should burn]
Watch the flames climb high into the night / tihas vorsakhi ee yath she ajjalan / [see the flames go up into the night]
Calling out father oh / donas ‘Vezhof ave’ / [Call out ‘Great Stallion, father’]
Stand by and we will / hethkas, sek ai / [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on / tihas vorsakhi veltori / [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side / she rayan / [on the summit]
And if we should die tonight / Hash kisha adrivolaki / [If we are going to die]
Then we should all die together / niyanqoy, kisha ven at / [together, we are as one]
Raise a glass of wine for the last time / rai haj yeraan, ha nakhaan / [A strong cheer to you, for the last time]
Calling out father oh / donas ‘Vezhof ave’ / [Call out ‘Great Stallion, father’]
Stand by and we will / hethkas, sek ai / [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on / tihas vorsakhi veltori / [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side / she rayan / [on the summit]
Desolation comes upon the sky / athohharar jadae yeraan / [Defeat comes to you]
Now I see fire / Vorsa garvoe / [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain / sek she krazaaj / [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire / Vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees / jin fasqoyi / [this destiny]
And I see fire / zin vorsa garvoe / [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls / yath asavvaan / [up toward the sky]
I see fire / vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze / Rivvas chaf qoyi / [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me / jalan atthirari anni / [moon of my life]
Oh, should my people fall / hash khalasar nakhoe / [If the tribe ends]
Then surely I'll do the same / Anha anakho akka / [I will end also]
Confined in mountain halls / khal aziganesoe? / [Does the king resist?]
We got too close to the flame / khaleesi, khalakka? / [The queen, the prince?]
Calling out father oh / donas ‘Vezhof ave’ / [Call out ‘Great Stallion, father’]
Stand by and we will / hethkas, sek ai / [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on / tihas vorsakhi veltori / [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side / she rayan / [on the summit]
Desolation comes upon the sky / athohharar jadae yeraan / [Defeat comes to you]
Now I see fire / Vorsa garvoe / [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain / sek she krazaaj / [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire / Vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees / jin fasqoyi / [this destiny]
And I see fire / zin vorsa garvoe / [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls / yath asavvaan / [up toward the sky]
I see fire / vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze / Rivvas chaf qoyi / [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me / jalan atthirari anni / [moon of my life]
And if the night is burning / hash ajjalan avirsa / [if the night burns]
I will cover my eyes / Ei tih ma zhor jon / [every eye and heart closed]
For if the dark returns / eyak vasta “finne / [Everyone will ask “where]
Then my brothers will die / gaezosi anhoon?” / [are my brothers?”]
And as the sky is falling down / kash asavva nem ohar / [While the sky fell]
It crashed into this lonely town / rhojosor anni kovar / [My family stood]
And with that shadow upon the ground / jaqqa jad, ma Anha jar / [death came, and I flinched]
I hear my people screaming out / san awazi, zin Anha char / [So many screams, still I hear]
Now I see fire / Vorsa garvoe / [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain / sek she krazaaj / [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire / Vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees / jin fasqoyi / [this destiny]
And I see fire / zin vorsa garvoe / [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls / yath asavvaan / [up toward the sky]
I see fire / vorsa ivezhoe / [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze / Rivvas chaf qoyi / [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me / jalan atthirari anni / [moon of my life]
I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire) / Vorsa ivezhoe ( Anha tih vorsa evoon) / [fire growing fierce (I saw fire all along]
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire) / Vorsa garvoe (nithak she ilek anni) / [Fire growing hungry (feel on my skin)]
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire) / Vorsa ivezhoe (vorsa) / [fire growing fierce (fire)]
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side / tihas vorsakhi veltori she rayan / [see the yellow flames on the summit]
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Christ almighty! This is one hell of a post to wake up to ;D
As soon as I get dressed and showered and such, I'll look over it!
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Howdy!
So I understand that you want to keep to a rhyme scheme in your translation, buuuut I would suggest that you ditch that idea and just do a literal translation; to stay true to the intended emotion the songwriter had when they wrote the lyrics. If you want a rhyming song then just make your own song ;)
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This is more of a re-imagining than a direct translation. The original is set in the context of The Hobbit, so I wanted to re-imagine this in a way that could feel organic to the Dothraki. If you see any missteps in grammar/cases etc I'd be eager to know them. Much thanks.
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Well I've looked over your translation and I think you did a fantastic job! There are no glaring errors in grammar that I can see, and the slight bending of the rules in order to get a nice rhytmic feel and rhyme scheme to it is totally fine. Since when has music ever been grammatically correct anyways?
We don't need no education
I can't get no satisfaction
When I hear dat hotline bling
I try to stay awake but its 58 hours since that I last slept with you
It's all fair in art and war, ammirite? Again, nice job and keep up the good work!
Choyosor