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This is more of a re-imagining than a direct translation. The original is set in the context of The Hobbit, so I wanted to re-imagine this in a way that could feel organic to the Dothraki. If you see any missteps in grammar/cases etc I'd be eager to know them. Much thanks.

Great info Choyosor. I'm brand new to this, will definitely look into the links, thanks

Trying to keep pace with the above - grammar has never been my strong suit so I'm trying to work through. Definitely understand the multiple possible interpretations once the 'anni' is removed; I hadn't seen that particular construction before but your explanation definitely makes sense. Can you tease out the different meanings of 'ma' that you mentioned, the ones that are effected by case? If you could show the ablative/allative distinction it would be a help to me as well. It has to do with the object/direction of the sentence? Much appreciated 

[Loshas zhoroon anni]

I think the translation is close, but may be slightly off (please check my math here, Im not an expert!):

Loshas zhoroon anni
[(watch over / look after) heart-mine(inalienable possession) mine]

     ^^Because the heart is part of the body the "oon" attachment is sufficient. Adding "anni" for "my" would be redundant.

haji anha vannevak mae ma yeroon.
[(because of) I (will leave something {future tense}) it with (you+ from-you indication)]

     ^^haji may work here, but seems unneccessary. "k'athtihari" might be nice - meaning "it seems"
     ^^annavalat (the verb for leaving something) is conjugated for future tense here (addition of 'v'). past tense would be 'annava' I believe, though 'azh' meaning 'I gave' might work better.
    ^^mae means "his/hers/its" instead of "it". The pronoun you want here is 'jin' I believe, referring to something that is close to the speaker, as opposed to using 'haz' or 'rek'.
     ^^the 'oon' added to 'yer' indicates possession or direction, in this case 'from you' ('aan' would be to/for you). I think it can be dropped here. Unless Im mistaken this is in the accusative case, so 'yera' would be the appropriate form.

So my proposed change would be:

Loshas zhoroon, k'athtihari anha azh jin ma yera.

If the above seems off please post and let me know

Hey warriors -

This is my first post - I've been working on a translation of Ed Sheeran's "I see fire". It's helpful to me to work through songs and my intent is to record this to help with my pronunciation. I think my syntax and tenses are right for the most part but would really appreciate if any of you could look through to see if/where I'm amiss. I tried to largely hold to the original lyrics but changed where I thought it necessary for rhyme-scheme and/or Dothraki-perspective. The format below is: original lyrics / Dothraki / intended meaning.

Much appreciate any assistance!

Best,
Atoro

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below   /   Tihi Maisi krazaajisoon   /   [eyes of the Mother of Mountains]
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls   /   vitihiras leisi gaezoon   /   [watch out for the brother's souls]
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke   /   hash vorsa ma fih nirrae asavva   /   [if fire and smoke fill the sky]
Keep watching over Durin's sons   /   zin, loshas rizhi Vezhofoon   /   [still, guard the Great Stallions's sons]

If this is to end in fire   /   hash hazi nakho she vorsa   /   [If this ends in fire]
Then we should all burn together   /   kisha jif avirsalaki   /   [we should burn]
Watch the flames climb high into the night   /   tihas vorsakhi ee yath she ajjalan   /   [see the flames go up into the night]
Calling out father oh   /   donas 'Vezhof ave'   /   [Call out 'Great Stallion, father']
Stand by and we will   /   hethkas, sek ai   /   [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on   /   tihas vorsakhi veltori   /   [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side   /   she rayan   /   [on the summit]

And if we should die tonight   /   Hash kisha adrivolaki   /   [If we are going to die]
Then we should all die together   /   niyanqoy, kisha ven at   /   [together, we are as one]
Raise a glass of wine for the last time   /   rai haj yeraan, ha nakhaan   /   [A strong cheer to you, for the last time]
Calling out father oh   /   donas 'Vezhof ave'   /   [Call out 'Great Stallion, father']
Stand by and we will   /   hethkas, sek ai   /   [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on   /   tihas vorsakhi veltori   /   [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side   /   she rayan   /   [on the summit]
Desolation comes upon the sky   /   athohharar jadae yeraan   /   [Defeat comes to you]

Now I see fire   /   Vorsa garvoe   /   [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain   /   sek she krazaaj   /   [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire   /   Vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees   /   jin fasqoyi   /   [this destiny]
And I see fire   /   zin vorsa garvoe   /   [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls   /   yath asavvaan   /   [up toward the sky]
I see fire   /   vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze   /   Rivvas chaf qoyi   /   [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me   /   jalan atthirari anni   /   [moon of my life]

Oh, should my people fall   /   hash khalasar nakhoe   /   [If the tribe ends]
Then surely I'll do the same   /  Anha anakho akka   /   [I will end also]
Confined in mountain halls   /   khal aziganesoe?   /   [Does the king resist?]
We got too close to the flame   /   khaleesi, khalakka?   /   [The queen, the prince?]
Calling out father oh   /   donas 'Vezhof ave'   /   [Call out 'Great Stallion, father']
Stand by and we will   /   hethkas, sek ai   /   [Prepare, yes I obey]
Watch the flames burn auburn on   /   tihas vorsakhi veltori   /   [see the yellow flames]
The mountain side   /   she rayan   /   [on the summit]
Desolation comes upon the sky   /   athohharar jadae yeraan   /   [Defeat comes to you]

Now I see fire   /   Vorsa garvoe   /   [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain   /   sek she krazaaj   /   [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire   /   Vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees   /   jin fasqoyi   /   [this destiny]
And I see fire   /   zin vorsa garvoe   /   [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls   /   yath asavvaan   /   [up toward the sky]
I see fire   /   vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze   /   Rivvas chaf qoyi   /   [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me   /   jalan atthirari anni   /   [moon of my life]

And if the night is burning   /   hash ajjalan avirsa   /   [if the night burns]
I will cover my eyes   /   Ei tih ma zhor jon   /   [every eye and heart closed]
For if the dark returns  /   eyak vasta "finne   /   [Everyone will ask "where]
Then my brothers will die   /   gaezosi anhoon?"   /   [are my brothers?"]
And as the sky is falling down   /   kash asavva nem ohar   /   [While the sky fell]
It crashed into this lonely town   /   rhojosor anni kovar   /   [My family stood]
And with that shadow upon the ground   /   jaqqa jad, ma Anha jar   /   [death came, and I flinched]
I hear my people screaming out   /   san awazi, zin Anha char   /   [So many screams, still I hear]

Now I see fire   /   Vorsa garvoe   /   [fire becoming hungry]
Inside the mountain   /   sek she krazaaj   /   [yes inside the mountain]
I see fire   /   Vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Burning the trees   /   jin fasqoyi   /   [this destiny]
And I see fire   /   zin vorsa garvoe   /   [still becoming hungry]
Hollowing souls   /   yath asavvaan   /   [up toward the sky]
I see fire   /   vorsa ivezhoe   /   [fire growing fierce]
Blood in the breeze   /   Rivvas chaf qoyi   /   [Smell the bloody wind]
And I hope that you remember me   /   jalan atthirari anni   /   [moon of my life]

I see fire (oh you know I saw a city burning out) (fire)   /   Vorsa ivezhoe ( Anha tih vorsa evoon)   /   [fire growing fierce (I saw fire all along]
And I see fire (feel the heat upon my skin, yeah) (fire)   /   Vorsa garvoe (nithak she ilek anni)   /   [Fire growing hungry (feel on my skin)]
And I see fire (uh-uh-uh-uh) (fire)   /   Vorsa ivezhoe (vorsa)   /   [fire growing fierce (fire)]
And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side   /   tihas vorsakhi veltori she rayan   /   [see the yellow flames on the summit]