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91
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: Dothraki Bible Translation
« Last post by Khal_Qana on May 19, 2017, 02:57:36 am »
I'm well rested from the editing (and working) I did yesterday, and now I have a whole morning and afternoon to take a crack at peer editing the chapters of Genesis you have so far. 


edit: I've been reading through your work on Genesis and I have to say your grammar is near perfect from what I can tell.  The only problems that I found were in a few points of grammatical structure.

1) when saying that someone has said something, ki is used to signify who the phrase is being spoken by.  However, the order of the words seems to be left unclear by DJP.  On the wiki page about verb conjugation, the example "Drogo ast ki '...'" is used, but in the short story Dorvi Zirome, DJP puts the order as "ast Dorvi ki '...'".  I changed it to the latter when editing.

2) The use of mra qora as a verb rather than a idiomatic phrase is a problem that I too had up until a couple weeks ago. Turns out, the structure goes; (possessor) possessed mra qora(aan/oon), with the possessor being optional if context permits.  That's just another thing to look out for.

back to editing!
92
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Khal_Qana on May 18, 2017, 07:26:42 pm »
Ah. Alright.
93
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Zhav on May 18, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »
I had a lot of fun editing this passage. It was both a huge exercise in understanding vocabulary and what an informative speech would look like in Dothraki. Shafka davrae, zhey Hoerivhazhof!


***What is the meaning of the word "ostirge"?


It means "plan". A compound noun, derived from "os" + "dirge".

First used in Season 6 Episode 3, I believe. https://wiki.dothraki.org/Season_Six_Dothraki_Dialogue#Episode_3_-_Oathbreaker
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Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Khal_Qana on May 18, 2017, 12:51:10 pm »
I had a lot of fun editing this passage. It was both a huge exercise in understanding vocabulary and what an informative speech would look like in Dothraki. Shafka davrae, zhey Hoerivhazhof!


Quote
Athvilajerari
Vitiherikh

Athvilajerar olda khalasar k'athvezhvenari. Me olda m’atthirar m'athdrivar. Me os che ha atthirozaraan che ha athohhararaan, majin vinesoras mae om’atharanaroon. Majin vitiheri jin mek davrakh zana, addavras vitiherikh vakkeleni majin anesoe fini nem zigeree yer shafka anajahi. Mori mek: ma Os, Asavva, Gache, Akkelenak ma Athniqar.  Akkeleni athhajar yeri shafki she mr’atheizar ma (vavveni)* mora athhajaraan dozgi.

Os olda athfiezar vi yanqosor ma khaloon. Ovvethikh mae’th vena (yeri shafki mori asili yera shafka)** ma m'atthirar m'athdrivar vo voldi mora akkate yomme athzhowakaroon.

Asavva olda m'ajjalanikh  m'asshekhikh, me athfishar m'athafazhar, m‘ kashe ma athchilar vigillosoreri[seasons].

Gache olda athhezhahar ma yatha ma zoha, me hezhaha ma qisie, me ovaha ma thifa; ma Gach fini ray nem jaz ma Gach disa, me zhowaka ma sandie.

Akkelenak olda m'athvillar ma shillikh, m'atherinar, m'atherokhar, m'athniqezar. (Akkelenak ma villa ma nem shilla ma erina ma erokhae ma niqa.)  (a good translation also)

Athniqar olda m'athkelenar mra lajasaraan ki saccheyi jila, m'athkelenar mra khasaraan, m'athzanar osaan fin (nem?) fichi (ki?) athzigerezar(i?) lajasaraan meshes, m'athjavrathar mra athziradakhezaraan masi.

Ei ko ray char jin mek davrakh. Kosi fin shila mora anajaha sekosshi; kosi fin vo shila mora anajaha vosecchi. Majin m'akkeleni m'avveni athhajar yeri shafki she athhajaroon dozgi m‘akkeleni fin ahajana. Qafi: fini khali Os mra qora? Fini oakah mra qora? Finaan adavrani m'Asavvasaan ma Gachaan? Fini khali Athniqar mra qora fini avezhvenana? Lajasar fini ahajana? Ma khasar ma lajaki fini ray lajish k'athadavrani? Fin m'azha lajasaraan qorasokh m'annitha  k'athazanani? ki jini vitiherikhi, anha laz assik ma fin anajaha ma fin vohara.

Ko fin charoe assokhaan anni m'addavrae mae anajaha sekosshi: aqqisi mae! Ko fin ma vo charoe assokhaan anni ma vo addavrae mae, hazak vohara: eqorasa mae! Addavras assokh anni ma foni davrakh fini koala avijazeri athmelisozaroon vo nem tiha meshafka vo tihi. Esinaso (ostirge)*** (kash mra qora davrakh m'athmelisozar allayafi)****.

Athvilajerar vena Os qosarvenikhi. Majin, Hash yer shafka laz ildi, hash attihi meshafka vo laz ildi; hash yer shafka nithie, attihi meshafka vo nithio; hash yer shafka qisi, attihi meshafka hezhahi; hash shafka hezhahi, attihi meshafka qisi. Annithili dozge shafki ki ma davrakhoon ido. Iddo athekelenazar ma atthasi mae kash me navvirzethaya. Hash me samvena, hash hethki moon. Hash me ahajana, hash zajja lajat mae. Hash me safejasa, hash zireyese mae. Hash me choma, hash annithili mae esittesalat. Hash mae athdisizar mra qora, ahhaqi mae. Hash lajasar nem yanqo, sachi mae. Ildi finne me ehethkae, e finne me vo zala ezat shafka. Ki jini (ostirgi)*** shafka anajahi, majin vos azhi dozgaan nesat mae.

Fin vitihera san mra (okre hatif ta vilajer)***** anajaha. Fin vitihera zolle mra okre vohara. San athvitiherari azh najahhey; loy athvitiherari azh vo najahhey; fin sanneya k’athamelanazari vos athvitiherar? Anha vitiherak aranikh kijinosi majin anha assik ma fin anajaha ma fin vohara sekosshi.

Green text means words or grammar that were added to the text.
A strike through means words or grammar that were removed from the text.
(a parenthesis and asterisk means)* a word or phrase was unknown or unclear.
Orange text means a word or phrase could be removed from the text.



*What is the meaning of the word "vavvenat"?
**I was unable to find meaning from "shafki mori asili shafka".
***What is the meaning of the word "ostirge"?
****I was unable to find meaning from "kash mra qora davrakh m'athmelisozar allayafi".
*****I was unable to find meaning from "mra okre ta vilajer".



Throughout the whole passage, your main problems were:
  • Not using formal pronouns or commands
  • An infectious ma appearing after many verbs when they weren't supposed to be there


Other than those two points you did a fantastic job and I can't wait to go onto editing your translation of Genesis 1:1-3:24



PS

Here's a cleaned up version of the passage

Quote
Athvilajerari
Vitiherikh

Athvilajerar olda khalasar k'athvezhvenari. Me olda atthirar m'athdrivar. Me os ha atthirozaraan che ha athohhararaan, majin vinesoras mae om’atharanaroon. Majin vitiheri jin mek davrakh zana, addavras vitiherikh vakkeleni majin anesoe fini nem zigeree shafka anajahi. Mori mek: Os, Asavva, Gache, Akkelenak ma Athniqar.  Akkeleni athhajar shafki mr’atheizar ma vavveni mora athhajaraan dozgi.

Os olda athfiezar vi yanqosor ma khaloon. Ovvethikh mae’th vena shafki mori asili shafka ma m'atthirar m'athdrivar vo voldi mora akkate yomme athzhowakaroon.

Asavva ajjalanikh m’asshekhikh, me athfishar m'athafazhar, m‘athchilar vigillosoreri.

Gache ma yatha ma zoha, me hezhaha ma qisie, me ovaha ma thifa; Gach fini nem jaz ma Gach disa, me zhowaka ma sandi e.

Akkelenak olda m'athvillar ma shillikh, m'atherinar, m'atherokhar, m'athniqezar.

Athniqar olda m'athkelenar mra lajasaraan ki saccheyi jila, m'athkelenar mra khasaraan, m'athzanar osaan fin nem fichi k’athzigerezari lajasaraan meshes, m'athjavrathar mra athziradakhezaraan masi.

Ei ko ray char jin mek davrakh. Kosi fin shila mora anajaha sekosshi; kosi fin vo shila mora anajaha vosecchi. Majin akkeleni m'avveni athhajar shafki she athhajaroon dozgi m‘akkeleni fin ahajana. Qafi: fini khali Os mra qora? Fini oakah mra qora? Fin adavrani Asavvasaan ma Gachaan? Fini khali Athniqar mra qora? Lajasar fini ahajana? Ma khasar ma lajaki fini ray lajish k'athadavrani? Fin azha lajasaraan qorasokh m’annitha k’athazanani? ki jini vitiherikhi, anha laz assik fin anajaha ma fin vohara.

Ko fin charoe assokhaan anni anajaha sekosshi: aqqisi mae! Ko fin vo charoe assokhaan anni, hazak vohara: eqorasa mae! Addavras assokh anni ma foni davrakh fini koala avijazeri athmelisozaroon meshafka vo tihi. Esinaso ostirge kash mra qora davrakh m'athmelisozar allayafi.

Athvilajerar vena Os qosarvenikhi. Majin, Hash shafka laz ildi, hash attihi meshafka vo laz ildi; hash shafka nithie, attihi meshafka vo nithio; hash shafka qisi, attihi meshafka hezhahi; hash shafka hezhahi, attihi meshafka qisi. Annithili dozge shafki ma davrakhoon ido. Iddo athekelenazar ma atthasi mae kash me navvirzethaya. Hash me samvena, hash hethki moon. Hash me ahajana, hash zajja lajat mae. Hash me safejasa, hash zireyese mae. Hash me choma, hash annithili mae esittesalat. Hash mae athdisizar mra qora, ahhaqi mae. Hash lajasar nem yanqo, sachi mae. Ildi finne me ehethkae, e finne me vo zala ezat shafka. Ki jini ostirgi shafka anajahi, majin vos azhi dozgaan nesat mae.

Fin vitihera san mra okre hatif ta vilajer anajaha. Fin vitihera zolle mra okre vohara. San athvitiherari azh najahhey; loy athvitiherari azh vo najahhey; fin sanneya k’athamelanazari vos athvitiherar? Anha vitiherak aranikh kijinosi majin anha assik fin anajaha ma fin vohara sekosshi.


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Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Khal_Qana on May 18, 2017, 09:54:00 am »
Alright!

School is done and I've got four or so projects that have been on stand by for almost two months now, so I best get going on those before the procrastination goblin hits me over the head again.

I'll peer edit the Art of War and Bible translations today, and work on Atlas Dothraki for the next week.
96
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Hrakkar on April 19, 2017, 01:29:55 pm »
Athdavrazar! What a cool translation project! And some new word ideas as well.
97
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Khal_Qana on April 15, 2017, 02:34:02 pm »
Wowzers, don't this just look mighty complicated!  Some time in the coming weeks when I have the chance, I'll make sure to go through and peer edit this. Reading through this briefly, I see you took some liberties with the meanings of verbs in order to be a little more . . . philosophical, perhaps?  I loved the way you used 'oldat' to sort of mean 'give'.  I sort of interpret meaning something like 'intentionally making sure wisdom and cunning is absorbed through experience'. Truly fascinating work!
98
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: Dothraki Bible Translation
« Last post by HoeriVezhof on April 10, 2017, 06:46:33 pm »
Sekosshi! Anha ray'th lir san astosori haji clas lekhi espaniaki majin vo ray nithi tat eshna vekhikh.
99
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by HoeriVezhof on April 10, 2017, 06:34:11 pm »
Hello, I don't check every word, but the first is vinesorat*

Oh yeah! For some reason I thought I had used the wrong derivational affixes and went back to "fix" it and added the extra -a. Thank you!
100
Dothraki Language Updates / Re: The Art of War Dothraki Translation
« Last post by Alizia on April 10, 2017, 03:33:49 pm »
Hello, I don't check every word, but the first is vinesorat*
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